Sarcastic Dad: Instruction Set #3: Doing the dishes

      Continuing the series of instructions for my children, and the proper way to carry out chores and responsibilities, today we discuss doing the dishes. This is long overdue since the right way to do dishes is a never ending point of contention in our house.

1) YES!, the dishes do need to be done every night. If we cooked, ate or used dishes and cookware for anything, they need to be washed, and stop looking so shocked every time I tell you that.

2) When you put away the dry dishes you should actually put them away. Leaving them on the table the stove or any other convenient surface is NOT put away.

3) Use HOT water. We bought you those pretty pink rubber gloves so your delicate skin is protected, now turn the hot water up and kill some germs. Your arguments that if you just use cold water you can freeze the germs or that the germs will get fed up and move to Florida are not legit, give it up.

4) When cleaning dishes it is mandatory that ALL the food is removed from each piece. There is no acceptable amount of meat, sauce, or cheese that can be left on the "clean" dish. No, we are not saving it for later, No, it is not close enough. Just no.

5) Finish the job. Do not walk away with a half dozen things left in the sink then say "But..the dish strainer is full." How about you grab a towel, dry a few things and just finish the job. I swear the extra five minutes to finish the job will not leave you too exhausted to text.
     A) On a side note how the hell are you texting while doing the dishes anyway?
     B) Can you just refill the damn ice cube tray please?

6) The dirty pan on the stove or the plate your lazy brother left on the kitchen table, do you see them? Yes you do, stop pretending you don't. They are dirty dishes and need to be washed. Hiding pots and pans inside the stove then saying you didn't know they were there is also not a good idea, but nice try.

7) Clean up. When you are done doing the dishes do not leave stray food sitting in the sink, do not try to stuff it down the drain, clean it out. Wipe off the sink, and if while doing the dishes you managed to flood the kitchen clean it up, the fact that your baby brother has turned the kitchen into an indoor slip and slide is a clue that you made a mess. Besides, last time he bumped his head on the refrigerator, and seriously that boy can't take anymore brain damage.

8) A dishwasher is NOT a necessity that's why we had kids. An XBox, a 42" LCD HD TV, and the NFL package THOSE are necessities. Get your priorities straight.