An open letter from America's television executives.

Dear TV viewer:       With the new fall television schedule quickly approaching, we the television networks and executives would like to take this time to thank you. We would like to thank you not only for your viewership but for your choices as well.
      America's desire to watch reality TV is saving us millions of dollars so thank you. Why pay talented writers and story tellers who have spent their entire lives perfecting their craft and wanting nothing more than to weave an intricate plot line, make you think or even make you laugh when you can watch a bunch of talentless amateur "singers" beg Simon the twit for a chance to embarrass themselves. I mean seriously you people are still watching American Idol? Even we figured you'd be bored with this repetitive snooze fest by now or pissed off when we started fabricating and orchestrating contestants, but no! You still watch this crap on a stale cracker.Wow! Joss Whedon may be a genius writer but his shows are very expensive so thanks for giving us a reason to cancel them all while you watch this garbage.
      The funniest shows on television may be Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and Better Off Ted, but why watch those when when you can watch pseudo celebs and washed up athletes dance badly,ooooh now that's intriguing TV. Of course you didn't watch Better Off Ted so we got to cancel that, Phew thanks we were about to have to pay for a third season of what was easily one of the funniest shows we had ever seen.
      We have been able to cancel dozens of great but expensive shows thanks to your limited attention spans and low IQ's. We saved millions canceling great shows like Firefly, Flash Forward and Wonderfalls. As TV execs we hate Sci-fi and action shows, do you have any idea how much they cost to make?
       Also on the money front is actors. Did you guys know that we have to pay them? it's ridiculous why should we pay amazing actors like Nathan Fillion, Eliza Dushku, and Neil Patrick Harris when we can throw a bimbo into a room with 20 horny guys and watch as she whores herself out because she's so desperate for a husband that selling her self-respect is not an issue. Or we can just toss a bunch semi-retarded gym rats looking for 15 minutes of fame and a quick payday together and watch the worst of humanity play out, and you idiots...I mean loyal viewers will eat it up.
      We'd like to send a special thank you out to viewers of Jersey Shore so here we go...HAHAH just kidding we know Jersey Shore viewers can't read.
      The great thing is that even when we do have to make a "real" TV show we can just rip off a show that already exists and make yet another copy of it and you as TV viewers will be completely satisfied since you won't have to be challenged by trying anything new, because we know that's scary. In fact in the works we have an all CSI network where every state gets it's own show. Also we have Law and Order 47, The Generic Bad Detective Show, Yet another JAG rip off, and of course more crappy Xeroxed hospital soap operas than you can shake a stick at.
      We've gotten so good at reality shows that we're even making a fake reality show called My Generation this season but we figure none of you are smart enough to figure it out, so make sure you watch that instead of great new shows like No Ordinary Family, The Event or The Chase. Those shows have talented writers, actors and a cool premise but since they will cost a fortune we want them canceled so we can start the new reality show called "Dance Your Fat Ass Off: Idiots will watch".
        So thanks America for being satisfied by every piece of laughable crap we throw out there. Thanks for thinking that talentless morons with no self-respect, whoring themselves out for a chance to be on television is interesting enough to garner your precious time. Thanks for not wanting to have to think, we understand that following a story, character or plot is too much effort for your soggy brains and we can respect that. Thanks for not making us spend money on great shows with talented writers and actors, all that money we save means our year end bonuses are huge.
        In conclusion remember, whatever you do don't watch the best shows on television like Castle, Big Bang Theory, and Fringe (yeah, that ones scary huh? It has sci-fi elements. it must go). Whatever you do DON'T watch this seasons best new shows like No Ordinary Family or The Chase because if you watch these great new action shows it will cost us a fortune to keep making them. Just stay in your comfort zone, don't try anything new, don't challenge yourself in the least and whatever you do don't give any credit to the people with talent.
Thank You America
From all the unscrupulous, greedy execs.
          

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