Instruction Set #2: Cleaning your room.

    I haven't written anything in the last couple of days and it wasn't my intention to neglect this space. In fact I have an excuse. I walked into my oldest son's bedroom and mistakenly took a wrong turn at dirty laundry mountain, so I found myself lost in the wilderness without supplies. I spent the last 2 days battling my way out. I barely survived but luckily there was food and drink scattered all over so I didn't have to worry about dying of thirst or starvation.
    For those of you that have children who will clean their room or anything else without being yelled at...I hate you. I am not so lucky though. My children are the only kids I know who can be sent to clean their room and emerge from the bowels of Hell four days later with their room in worse shape than when they entered.
     I decided to write this instruction set as a "love" letter to my oldest boy. Sorry son but having a dozen scientists set up camp in your room looking for "New species" and analyzing "Unusual formations of molds and fungi." was the last straw. I should have known something was up when the cockroaches took you to court for being a slumlord and the rats moved to a safer neighborhood....downtown Detroit.

CLEANING YOUR ROOM
   1) Use common sense. If your room is dirty clean it.
      Warning signs that your room is dirty and needs to be cleaned might include The following. (These are REAL by the way not jokes)
         A) The need to create a path through the laundry and garbage to get to your bed.
         B) My sister panicked that she might not be able to find her cat or he might be injured because he ran into your room.
         C) Your out of socks and underwear but the laundry is done.
         D) Coming across clothes on the floor that you forgot you had and are now not just out of style but actually fit your baby brother.
         E) I post a photo of your room on Facebook and to the disbelief of everyone it's worse than I described.
   2)  When cleaning your room the underneath of your bed is indeed part of your room.
   3) The corners of the room as well as the underside of your bed are NOT acceptable locations to "Put Away" you things.
   4) Stacking contraband junk food in the corner under dirty clothes is not only a bad way to hide it from your parents but probably a bit unsanitary.
   5) Pick up the returnable bottles scattered around your room. There is money in those that could have been yours but is now mine. On a completely unrelated note you guys should see the new DVD player I bought with...um...spare change.
  6) Vacuum your room as well. No that is not the color of your rug and no the fact that it looks like it's moving is not some "weird visual effect".
  7) When your light bulb needs to be changed, do it. Do not sit in the dark and tell me you "Like it this way". Although the mushrooms we were able to harvest from the cave-like enviroment were a money saver.
  8) When your sheets and blankets are dirty do not strip the bed and sleep on the bare mattress. Feel free to put new ones on the bed. I am not buying the excuse that you're re-enacting scenes from the prison drama "OZ".
  9) Yes, that is dust and no, it isn't cool that you can write your name in it.
10) I don't care how big it is! Just kill it quick before it eats your brother!

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