Instruction Set #1 : Garbage

    Sometimes the simplest tasks are apparently more complicated than they first appear. So in what I'm sure will be an ongoing series I would like to give my evil spawn instructions on the proper way to carry out certain basic activities.
    In this edition we will cover taking out the garbage. You'd assume that when dealing with the task of taking out the garbage certain obvious details and rules would apply, well in my first rule for parents I'd like to advise you to NEVER assume ANYTHING, not when it comes to your children.

1) When you are told to take out the garbage, you are to understand that it means now. 
    A) Not "In a minute" because in kids terms this means "I'm going to stall until you forget then have to end up doing it yourself dad."
    B) Not when you are ready, you obviously will never be ready.
    C) Not twenty minutes after the garbage truck has left so that last nights dinner, which you refused to eat, can smell up the yard for a week.
     D) And definitely not when you are "done with this level", "finished watching this" or through flirting with Jenny from the block.
2) If you see that the garbage is very full do not continue to pile stuff on top until it falls all over the floor, then proceed to walk away and leave it there. Take it upon yourself to remove the garbage before we mistakenly end up on an episode of Hoarders.
3) When you do take out the garbage that is now spilling onto the floor do not leave the fallen garbage on the floor thinking your job is done. Pick up the floor as well and yes, YES my children that includes BEHIND the garbage.
4) When the garbage bag has been removed, that big empty space you see, it needs a new bag. Come on I didn't drop you THAT many times.
5) When you take the garbage out...TAKE IT OUT. Don't leave it in front of the garbage, in the hall, on the porch, or in the car...seriously what the hell were you thinking there?
6) As a bit of side note, garbage in general should go INTO the garbage can. Having a corner of your room, or the underside of your bed designated as a "garbage area" does NOT count. Seriously dude, you want to know what took FEMA so long after Katrina, well your room was considered a priority.

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